Fly with me
by Shadowed sun
Summary: "Sometimes I forget,why I did in first place"... but it is life and I don't fear death. Or at least I tell myself that and hope it becomes real.
1. Fly with me

Prologue

It wasn't like something bad happened. He died after long eventful life, but still died. Where was no pain, no regret and he welcomed death with open arms.

Then why? Why was he thinking again about new life, new story, new something. He had enough! Enough of pain,enough of life. Then why was he walking to ask (not beg) for another chance if it would only hurt him in end?

Well it wasn't like his last was all sunshine and roses,but he wanted to experience something better, he knew he could do better. When he died he had a lot of time to think,remember and it wasn't all pleasant seeing his mistakes, weaknesses and faults.

"I want new life."

Life in which he could control what he wanted. Where he wouldn't let himself to be manipulated,because he would have this life memories.

_Do you want something particular_

Life would be better because this time he had choice.

"I want my parents to be alive. I want to James and Lily's son. I want to look like my father,and have my mother's...Lily Potter's green eyes."

This time he could be happy.

"I want to live long life with parents still alive."

But it wasn't so easy,he knew, because he couldn't ask for something more,but it was enough. It was more he through was possible,more than he dreamed while alive.

Even if he was the Harry Potter.

Even if there were more to fear in life than death. So he let himself surrender to white oblivion.

* * *

Because when he could feel himself again, it was all worth it.

"You have healthy baby boy!"

"Indeed,thank you for assistance,you can go." His father said.

And he felt his mother warmth surround him, he already felt happy. So he opened his eyes to look at her,he looked tired and was looking at him too!

"He has your eyes,darling."

"So?" came tired reply. It wasn't what he expected, but it wasn't like he knew his parents, but he will know everything, every single detail.

"When we will we do it?" Do what? His mother tiredly asked.

"Give him name,and I will take care of him."

"Why should I name him I am not going to see him again."

"They will need something to write on gravestone..."

"...if somebody will find it. Name it I don't care." What you would feel, if you heard something like that?  
I couldn't think.

"Harrison."

"Good enough." He felt himself being lifted from warm arms.

"What are you going to do with her?"

"She owns me one,so nothing." His cold voice travelled through his body, bringing into surface raw fear.

"And with this thing?"

"I am not killing it. Poor boy all alone in cold night. It's a pity that on this planet we are only humans. So don't worry, sweetheart." And he kissed her softly on cheek.

"I will see you soon." And went outside room taking myself with him.

* * *

He was crying, crying as hard as he could. He didn't want to think, didn't want to feel. How all all went wrong, wrong, so wrong!

* * *

I hope you enjoyed!


	2. Fly with me (with eyes closed)

Fly with me (with eyes closed)

I splashed water in my face and looked in the mirror. It was still dark outside and house was painfully quiet. I should be sleeping too in fact, but thinking about it was not going to get me sleepy.

Big, green eyes looked at me. And face, and that face... Well, it didn't matter how many times I have looked, during my pretty short life, it was the same, of course, but not the one I was expecting. No wild, black hair. No spectacles on nose. No, no it would have been too easy. Let the poor, poor me wonder, who was my father, where he is. Not like I wanted to, I don't, didn't...and so on.

It's never have been an issue, knowing who is my father, I mean. James Potter. Yes. Correct. Everybody knows that. No questions. No doubts.

Now I have doubts, yes doubts, lets leave it like that. There was some, well, confusion, why do I have blond hair rather than black. Yes, confusion, because I did not sign up for this.

I have thought about it, I have. I thought when I started going to school, when I was having a lunch, dinner,when I looked in the mirror. Yes, very depressive, very.

Well there was one explanation, but let's not mention it. Like never.

* * *

"Harrison!" The impatient yell from downstairs. Time for breakfast.

It's not like I didn't like these people, but let's face it would have been better, if I was adopted. Anything is better than living in orphanage. You would think that after all this time the pitying looks would have stopped,but no. Everybody liked me, wanted to adopt me even, until my file was read. Then sorry.

Who would want the boy, little boy, who wasn't very social (never have been one for games and thoughtless wailing about everything that I wanted or didn't like or felt), who was left for dying in the remote area (even I didn't like myself after that), who most importantly didn't want to be adopted ( not my fault that they didn't do it before I could speak, not my fault that cold was not good for health).

Not like I wanted to say no, but it just felt dirty, like I taint the memory of past.

Good that at least I still have name. I knew that wanting to be "just Harry" will come back to haunt me, just my luck.

"So finally decided to grace us with your presence?" Not again. Yes, again. Stupid-to-core-but-still-cute Ethan, boy who liked to disturb my every walking moment.

"Yes, you may sit now as I am here." This is very good example of my live up to now.

"Stop acting like you are better than us. You have good marks, that is all, nothing other worth mentioning. No wonder nobody wants you, no wonder your parent left you to die."

Let's say this conversation was good example how I get to stay in my room for long periods of time. Ethan just make me want to hit something, preferably his face.

* * *

Now I can finally think, not that I don't do it more than needed anyway. I don't want to stay here, not now not ever. And my little dream will soon start.

I didn't study to get good marks, just because to annoy others (honestly). I did it to get out of here. Of course no seven year old boy would get far if he ran away even as old as me. So working for it was better option. And little old me was going to make the most of 23rd century. Even without magic.

Well this life was better in some aspects like technology, ships, well going to the Moon won't impress anyone now. So I want to do something good and maybe this is my last chance to do what I want, how I want, when I want, even if everything was not so good as I expected. Well I am alive, so, yes, why not?

Why not go to the space?

Why not piss of anybody I want?

Why be content with something knowing that you can do better?

Well I will do everything I have ever wanted and maybe that I didn't too. Just to.. you know, live. Because after all, I have always wanted to have a choice. Yes, maybe I am making mistakes, not only before, but now too. I just can't seem to stop. I don't think I ever will. But most importantly I have a choice. And I am not going to waste it just because someone doesn't, didn't like me. Well they can go and stuff it...

I long to fly, feel the wind and just be.

And well I am going to fly one way or another. I didn't seem so... far. Just three steps forward and two little ones to the right. Yes, police motorcycle just there. But no keys, who needs keys anyway?

Not me, definitely. It's good that some people in this orphanage are not all that rule abiding. Not me but let's say, dear little Ethan shouldn't have hacked into school data base and changed his grades.

So big, bad, scary, police officer just needed to pay him a visit and tell him that doing such a thing is very bad if not the worst thing to do in your life.

And if this got him express ticket to new parents, because he is such a little genius, even better. Geniuses always have been given too high expectations to live up to. The little better than average is good enough for me.

So there was I, yes, of course - flying. The best thing ever invented. Even if motorcycles is not my style. It is still something new in a environment so dull and boring that it is not even worth mentioning.

Well I could ride it, I suppose, but I don't fancy being captured and staining my poor file. And I am not short, just for the record.

Well if somebody asked me what I like the most in this new world – this time there is no Dark Lord from who the World needs saving, it's aliens. And even better this time they at least have decency to not demand a child to do it, but some not some not so bright Starfleet guys do it from goodness of there hearts (they get paid!). So life is good but not perfect ( like always).

* * *

I hope you enjoyed.


	3. Fly with me (safer consequences)

Fly with me (safer consequences)

Morning came unexpectedly, I was enjoying sleeping in my little paradise under covers when happy voices of my room-mates woke me up.

"... come...finally... I want to see... I have ALWAYS wanted to...It's not like...you know..."

When my brain eventually started working I came to conclusion I didn't really want too make in first place. Today is let's-go-to-dicover-another-boring-place. Today's special is Starfleet on half price.

Soon we are going to visit.. San Francisco. It's only a few hours ride using new machines. Yes, Earth haven't really changed and...

"Harry excited about going to...?" Mary always have been very social child. Apparently my silence just clicks with her loudness. She wants to talk and I am not really pushing her away...just not really listening.

"No." Her expression changes...I no I should make friends and...

"But you are going anyway. Enjoy Earth while you can because when you are old enough you will be send back to whatever planet you were found and..." Yes, her best friend often uses her best qualities to annoy me.

" I will go and eat breakfast while I can then." Yes, Earth – my home. Funny how things happen.

* * *

So here I am sitting in overcrowded room listening how old people with important roles inspire young children to be "future of Starfleet" and how we are "greatly valued" and we should "be like rising stars in night sky" and some boring staff for teachers and caretakers of " bright young".

Poor young mind who are already corrupted by...

"..shh..Captain Pike.."

"..._Admiral _Pike..."

"...is speaking.."

Well who cares. It's not like I want to be some brainless...

"He is so brave!"

"Captain Kirk is braver. _He_ saved the world not Pike."

Let's have a catfight. Let's have catfight. Foolish hope in cruel world.

"Shhh...girls. Be respectful. Harry stop looking outside!'' At least I am sitting quietly...

And... clap your hands and be free like a bird in...campus excursion.

"Mrs. White..."

"Harry! Don't stay behind we aren't only group in here!"

Not like they will notice if I stay behind at some point. Starfleet Academy is such a big place any child could accidentally get lost.. in this maze.

* * *

It's pretty nice place all things considered...at least benches on outside are... little cloudy and... who am I kidding boring as any other school too..

"Son." All good things come to and and end.. and wheelchair-old-man is speaking again.

"I am not your son, old man." Yes, be respectful to your elders...I am good example of polite young boy.

Sun is shining and birds dying, but I am not going to pity some guy who probably knew the risks of space and still encourages others to go...it just reminds me.. of someone I would rather forget, but every universe should have great people with even greater plans.

"Are you lost? You should.." What were the odds against admiral finding me today and giving me me a lecture... What is he doing here anyway – enjoying time after brainwashing kids. Poor fucker.

"Are you even listing to me...What is you name?" Ohhh, friendly aproach.

" I can't tell strangers my name. What if they are paedophiles, kidnappers or..."

" Cut the.. you can't be here alone. Where is your group?"

"I am not alone I am with you."

Who knew that today I was going to get into staring match with admiral. Today is such a lucky day. But I shouldn't have tempted fate. He really is looking at me funny now.. deep breaths

" Yes, but soon you will have to return to your group. So are you lost.."

"I know how to get to the parking lot. Go straight to that funny looking tree then..." And I really did explain _all_ to him even with hand gestures just to be sure he understands. I am thoughtful that way.

And the look again. Come on!

"Then what are you doing here?"

"Enjoying nice weather. "Duh...

"What do you think about Starfleet...?" Why is he even asking me that.. it's not like next year I could go to that boring, brainwashing academy. Can't he even after speech switch off his...

"Other than it sucks? Umm, sorry Admiral Big-fish I need to go.." And yes then I decided to go. Maybe it that funny feeling inside my chest which urged me to do that or I just felt that this moment was not going to end well..

At least he didn't chase or something silly like that just looked at me with that stare like he knew staff that I didn't, like he saw through me without any.. I needed to go.

* * *

Later when told me that Admiral Pike may have found my father and my DNS sample was taken I knew why Starfleet started with same letter as Suck.

* * *

A.N. I hope you enjoyed!


	4. Fly with me (don't look down)

Fly with me (don't look down)

Have you ever had that feeling that direction did not matter. That all roads lead to something bad... at least in your opinion and that better option is not moving even an inch from safe place and brooding over current situation...

"Harry, here you are! I have been looking all over the place. Come!"

And that good hiding places are so hard to find.

She went towards her office through the grey looking corridors and I endured envious glares from children who knew about my new predicament. Soon everybody will know.

My gaze shifted to my shoes then to her office walls which were brown with many photographs and there was large window overlooking the small garden filled with blooming flowers in many colours.

"Harry, I know this very difficult moment in your life, but you need to accept it not hide like you did today." Her arms were liked together on the table and she had encouraging smile on her face while I sat in uncomfortable chair which definitely was there to make children crave other chairs in building.

" Therefore today we are going to speak about this change because tomorrow you already..." Her look was one of concentration like she memorized the speech. Her eyes danced between mine and other surfaces, things in room.

"... you are very lucky... other children would be more than happy about this opportunity..." Opportunity? Nice word to describe major life change.

"...there is nothing decided yet although I have no doubt that you will soon have family to call your own and I hope that you will remember time here with pleasant memories." Her eyes bore into mine.

" Will you not?

" Of course I will ." The gaze did not waver for few seconds before moving to different pursuit of something.

" You must be ready tomorrow by nine and if something changes I will let you know. But now... Harry, do you want to talk to me about this."

" There is no need...I am happy and today I just needed place to think." Now my gaze shifted to my my nondescript pants made from some grey fabric. They were clean at least. And it's not like she really wanted to speak with me. This question is just in her job description. Polite and considerate, but … It's not like my answer will change the course my life has taken. Tomorrow.. let's wait tomorrow.

"If you are sure." There was some screeching of chair and in heartbeat she was next to me. And against my better judgement my eyes moved upwards. She was looking down, looking at me.

" You know.." Her gaze captured my form and I felt dirty. " Now I feel silly not seeing it before. You are so similar to him. Such a pity I didn't notice it first. But..." She moved towards the window leaving me in the chair to ponder about what she wanted to say.

* * *

The next morning did not in fact bear any sings of strangeness, unnaturalness and so on. It was me who was very different from usual self. The weather was not too cold or hot and sky was clear, but it did not stop me from seeing … something in air. I had this feeling of fear. Foreboding and many other feelings I do not want to name. I was sitting outside while Admiral Big fish talked and did things to get me far away from this place.

The arrival of him was the biggest event of year, I am sure. I was just enjoying breakfast then. The sound reached me first and then I suddenly lost my appetite. Too soon I was sent to pack while they did who-knows-what. I did not particularly want to leave, but the same could be said about me staying.

The sky was clear and wind was ruffling my hair, making blond locks change the usual place on my head. It was nice feeling until I felt hand on my shoulders that made me jump.

"Easy, easy... Harry." Now he knows my name. When I looked up. Yes, first clue was "up". Not "down". His eyes took in my small frame and I...wanted quick end to whatever he planning on doing now.

" You can go and say your goodbyes now. " Thank for giving me permission to move. It's not like I did change my position, but words and permision is very important.

"I already did, sir." Yes, again that look. The look not some common look of his. I suppose only people in his age can pull it off. I looked at him myself. He looked tired and not because he was now walking only. There was something...

" Then let's move. I want to speak with you." Yes, you seem to be one of humans who are capable of speech even if walking function is lacking somewhat. But this line seems to be following me and not in a good way.

The walk to grey car was not very long and when we were sitting in back-seat, I automatically looked out of seat was comfortable and there was nothing to complain about. After all how could you complain when an Admiral, I mean The Admiral Pike came to yo himself, not some boring underling of his. He didn't even seem to bothered by my silence, what could I say anyway...

"I should make some things clear. You will not meet your father straight away, he is England, but soon Jim will be here. Then you will meet him and probably his crew too. I am not sure if your uncle and grandmother will be meeting you now, because they are not on Earth." Then he looked at me and noticed my emotionless face, but he did not seem to be hindered by it." We have not found your mother. You will be staying with me until..." Yes, until what? It's not like my new father suddenly will want to stay on Earth and play "family" with me. Every five years we can have update about each other and...

"...until we figure it out." Then he went quiet and looked at me especially.

"Okey." He did a double take but did not say anything even if I thought he will for second. His traced my form again and know I knew that I looked like my father.

I looked like my father with my mothers eyes. Blond-haired green-eyed boy. Maybe he looked for similarities or for differences. They were both there. I have seen them myself. His picture is burned in my mind and I could not help myself... I looked.

And I could not master proper excitement of meeting with him because he was like... my mistake even if he wasn't guilty, even if he wasn't at fault, even knowing all that I just...could not chase away disappointment and... New life indeed.

I did not really notice how scene outside window changed. I was plagued by my own thoughts. The thoughts ,which I could put under title " Jim T. Kirk", were just too many and were not going away.

* * *

A.N. I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
